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August 9, With so many mixed messages between men and women, what is this really about? References can be found everywhere from Cosmopolitan to The Guardian newspaper. Rough sex can be biting your lover, holding her down with your body weight, or picking her up and carrying her off to bed like a caveman. Yet research has firmly shown that people who enjoy BDSM are generally mentally healthy and have experienced about the same level of sexual abuse as the general population.

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A middle-aged Haredi Jewish man whom we only addressed by a dog name, Moishe whose name has been changed to protect his privacy was nearing the end of his two-hour session. We had started by tying him up and making him eat an entire bag of Takis off the floor while we scratched his back with moose antlers, and now we were here, in the basement bathroom of a duplex and part-time sex dungeon in Bushwick, Brooklyn, pissing into his mouth. I told him I was — Reform. He paid us and left.

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The most important elements of the sexual play in BDSM are the power play, the pain and — for some — the aspect of humiliation. BDSM is an abbreviation that stands for a variety of sexual practices and types of sexual play. Not everyone who practices BDSM likes the same things.

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I thought I was dreaming again, just like last year. That had turned out to be real. What were the chances.

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