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He'd noticed me waiting for a van destined for Hedonism II , a clothing-optional resort known for its swingers and rampant PDE that's "public displays of erection," I'd soon learn. Weirdly, a painting of the Mona Lisa with one exposed breast greeted me in the lobby. On my TV, two naked blonde women and a man in a bathing suit scuba dived. I flipped the channels to see women giving blowjobs and fondling each other.

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Print Get a compelling long read and must-have lifestyle tips in your inbox every Sunday morning — great with coffee! It was customary on Fluffernutters trips—as in the lifestyle in general—not to dwell on professions.

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Two brain freezes later and my boyfriend Rob and I are on a shuttle full of wide-eyed tourists, heading west along the coast to Negril. The margarita sloshes in my stomach as we careen past postcard-perfect beaches and concrete shanties painted in bright pastels.

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